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Their handling of their signature franchise was like watching two blind sea urchins trying to get through their wedding night. Any half-decent idea for a Sonic game in their hands is as useful as a pro-quality drawing tablet at a baboon finger painting class. I’ve said a lot of mean things about Sonic Team in the past. And currently. And in the very near future too. Sonic Frontiers sucks balls. Well. Look, as far as I’m looking forward to anything, I’ve been looking forward to Sonic Frontiers. Because my game reviewer’s instinct, forged over many years in the melting pot of disappointment and cake, told me that open-world design might just be the thing that ultimately makes 3D Sonic work. OR it’s going to suck completely and both cases will at least be fun to write about. The actual result is a mixed bag, whatever that’s worth, I mean a bag of dog poop and a bag of dog poop and cake are equally hard sells. I’ve always hated the aggressive linearity of Sonic levels, the way they keep shooting me off stage for mispressing the stick or not pressing jump in time or failing to get into an uncontrollable series of boosters and springboards with the right positive attitude or because it was a Tuesday.